


Size Doesn't Matter

by Luv_Haze



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bossy Thor, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, M/M, One Shot, Sassy Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Can Wield Mjolnir, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Steve likes to win and be right, Thundershield - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 07:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19866073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luv_Haze/pseuds/Luv_Haze
Summary: Steve and Thor disagree about which one of them gets to lead.  It might be Steve's first time doing it, but Thor is an old pro at it and pretty adamant that he's in charge.  Steve doesn't back down and is determined to get his way even if he has to fight dirty to win.





	Size Doesn't Matter

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short little one shot for fun because I've been reading a lot of Steve/Thor fanfic lately so as a thank you, I wanted to contribute something and this little ditty popped into my head. I wrote it in like 45 minutes so... masterpiece it is not. XD
> 
> And let's face it, I wanted some sassy-Steve and bossy-Thor. It doesn't really fit on any particular timeline, but let's say it's right before Age of Ultron. Enjoy! :)

“Sweetheart, I simply cannot be the one to do it, I am Thor, son of Odin, god of Thunder. It must be you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m Captain America so _I_ can’t do it either.”

Thor sighed. “But you can. There’s no shame in doing it and as I’m much bigger than you, it just makes logical sense is all.” Thor held his hands out as if to show just how much bigger he was than Steve. It was greatly exaggerated and made him seem as wide as a car.

Steve balked. “Just because I’m _slightly_ smaller than you doesn’t mean it has to be me, you know I can do it to you just as easily.”

“It’s not just about size…” Thor said, shaking his head in defeat at Steve’s pointed glare, “okay, fine, it’s _a lot_ about size, but even though you’re fully capable of doing it to me, I’m always the one who does it so…just relax, it’s much easier if you relax and you're much too tense.”

“There’s a first time for everything, pal, and today is the day you finally get to be the girl,” Steve said, clapping Thor on the shoulder.

“It’s not about being the girl,” Thor groaned. “I’ve only ever done it with men and two men do not make one man and a woman. Trust me on this, there’s no shame for either man when they do it.”

“If there’s no shame in it then let _me_ do it to _you_ ,” Steve countered.

“It would be easier if you let me _show you_ how it’s done since you’ve never done it before, your position would be the passive one while I’d be doing all the work. It is just smart to let the experienced one of the two lead, but if I’m being honest, I’m not sure if you’d know how to do it correctly if you were to lead without previous experience and instruction and one of us could get hurt. And by that, I mean me.”

“Are you doubting my intelligence?” Steve squawked. He and Thor never argued but now, it was on.

“No, of course not. But if I’m being honest…”

“Wow, you’re _full_ of honesty tonight, aren’t you buddy?” Steve crossed his arms over his chest in defiance. He was about five seconds away from indefinitely taking sexy-time off the table if his bullheaded boyfriend didn't relent and admit his argument was archaic and patronizing.

Thor rolled his eyes. “Look…let me explain so you understand. You have a shield, I have a hammer—”

“So I’m the girl and you’re the boy?” Steve interrupted him. “Just because mine is round and yours is pointy.”

“That is not what I’m saying. I’m saying we have to work with what we have. You have a shield while I have a hammer and when I strike my hammer upon your shield we accomplish quite a bit more _together_ than alone. But I cannot wield your shield with such talent as you, just as you cannot wield Mjölnir.”

Steve stared. Hard.

“It is the same for our bodies,” Thor continued, clearly under the impression he was winning the argument. “I simply have a bigger, _stronger_ body than you, that is all. That is why I must be the one to—”

“If I can lift your hammer, do you agree to let me do it to you instead?” Steve interrupted again, determined to win come hell or high water.

Thor chuckled as if amused by his ridiculous idea as he frequently claimed that no one was worthy enough to lift his hammer. “Yes, Steven, if you can lift my hammer then I will be more than happy to agree to your demands.”

Steve smirked. 

Ten minutes later…

Clint, Natasha, Tony and Bruce were in the common room, unwinding and waiting on their counterparts for a relaxing evening of socializing when Steve strode in dramatically, all but carrying an unconscious Thor at his side.

“Help! It's Thor, he’s ill!!” Steve yelled in a panic.

“Dying!” Thor growled roughly from his side, still limp as a noodle with his eyes closed.

“He’s dying!” Steve corrected as the other Avenger’s stood up and glanced at each other in confusion. “Get help!”

And then Steve threw Thor at them and they all toppled over into a heap on the floor.

A few hours later…

After they had righted the broken table and explained themselves to the others that they were simply practicing an old trick Thor and Loki used to play on unsuspecting opponents, Steve curled his cheek into Thor’s shoulder, sighing happily as they lounged in bed together. “I can’t believe that actually worked. Did you see the look on their faces when I threw you at them?”

“Loki is right,” Thor said, offering a deep, disgruntled sigh. “It’s humiliating.”

“Not for me,” Steve said, biting back a delighted and wicked grin. He loved getting his way even though he'd never openly admit it. And he loved being right, and he _had_ been right, size didn’t matter for “get help” as he was easily able to toss his Asgadian boyfriend, just like their body sizes didn’t matter in their sex life as they frequently switched. Thor could take a dick as well as he could give one. So could Steve.

“Are we going to talk about how you lifted my hammer?” Thor asked, stroking his fingers through Steve's hair.

“Are we going to talk about how you are always a bossy bottom?” Steve said, his fingers trailing along Thor's bare chest.

“What is it that they say here… pot meet kettle?” Thor gruffed then leaned over and kissed the top of Steve’s head.

“Yeah, well…what can I say, you do have the penis of a god.”

“Aye, I do, don’t I.” Thor smiled as they drifted off to sleep.


End file.
